


migraine ecstasy: five in the morning

by caelumkatana



Series: Hackneyed Excuses to Talk [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Gen, Headaches & Migraines, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, M/M, Multi, Vomiting, ecstasy is bad for you kids
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:46:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27379678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caelumkatana/pseuds/caelumkatana
Summary: Tooru Oikawa is a lot of things, a genius might be one of these things, it's all about perspective. If good grades and healthy social life are anything to go by he is a wizard by the means of standard college students. Tooru Oikawa is a lot of things, an asshole is absolutely one of these things, even if he can mesh perfectly with anyone he is with. Somehow he never complains about his real problems yet it seems like he is always ranting.Kuroo wouldn't even need to keep a checklist of stupid Oikawa contradictions because first Yaku gave him Iwaizumi's 17-year long list of issues three years ago. Secondly, most of Oikawa's contradictions contradict each other, much like Kenma and Akaashi, these pretty boys evade Kuroo's provocation.This Week on Hackneyed: Ghost Cats, Foolproof Plans, Precent Margin Errors, and Until Dawn (2015) playthroughs.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Series: Hackneyed Excuses to Talk [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2000083
Comments: 1
Kudos: 15





	migraine ecstasy: five in the morning

**Author's Note:**

> A COLLECTION OF 5 AM HUNGRY HANGOVERS or I SLOWLY LOSE MY MIND AND WRITE AN ALTERNATIVE 2020 COLLEGE EXPERIENCE BECAUSE I'M VERY ANXIOUS AND ALSO VERY SAD!!!
> 
> The aftermath of Kōtarō Bokuto's 22nd Birthday Party in which everyone but Bokuto makes an appearance and seven conversations about everything but Bokuto.

As it stood, Yaku and Iwaizumi were the two most qualified R.A.s on campus, an objective fact. Another objective fact is Yaku was thoroughly trashed an hour ago. Yet another objective truth: Iwazumi was fucked beyond belief, so fucked in fact that even the wholly sloshed Yaku had pity. The tiny dorm room bathroom was full, both Yaku and Iwaizumi crammed by the toilet which is mostly filled by Yaku’s former diner. Other than that every clean towel is stacked up by the sink and the handful of (conspicuous) bottles by the shower.

"Sometimes I wish I was less stubborn," Iwaizumi says in low rubble patting Yaku on the back, "But then you, my friend, outdo me."

"I will not have a lanky-ass freshman beat me at beer pong, will not have it."

"You've coughed up an arm and lung," Iwaizumi peers past Yaku's head slumped on the toilet seat, "make that two arms and ten lungs."

Yaku runs a hand through his red hair and sighs long and deep. Iwaizumi moves back to give Yaku his space to mess around with the bottles near him.

"Took ten rounds,” Yaku rubs his neck, “And a lot of gag reflex control but I won."

"Unless Lev is also puking red, white, and blue I'm gonna give it to the freshman."

Yaku quickly snaps his head to glare at Iwaizumi but seems to immediately regret it as he begins another round of 'actually get in the bowl without it escaping onto the ugly tarnish-white dormitory bathroom floor tile.'

"Cough it out," Iwaizumi pats his roommates back, "Cough it out."

Through the spew of spit and miso soup Yaku clearly states "I. Blame. You." 

"I was the first to say this was my fault. But we can all agree that part of this could be blamed on the Kuroo-Daishou prank wars."

"Don't. Drink. Red Bulls. If. You. Are. Not. The. One. To. Open. Them."

"I wasn't expecting to be roofied at my friend's birthday party!"

Yaku takes a deep sigh after the final bit, and slowly turns to say, "You fucked Oikawa, no excuses."

"Low blow short stack!"

Yaku instinctually slaps him in response, "I am not apologizing for that one." Yaku turns around to spit in the toilet again.

Turning back to Iwaizumi he slowly says "Fail one test, send one bad email, get fired from one of may I remind you three and a half jobs, ardently consume ecstasy, and get dicked down by the resident pretty boy okay do all of those things if you must but you cannot have all of them on the 'off-limits-insults-table', okay? At least not with me around!"

Iwaizumi flares his nostrils standing up from the pseudo-crouching position he had been in while patting Yaku's back. He walks over to flush the toilet and chooses to redirect the subject "Why on earth do either of them have access to top-grade Molly?"

"It's Kuroo and Daishou," Yaku shrugs, "they would commit murder if meant they outdid the other, also probably Konoha."

"Akasshi's Pre-Med friend?"

"Pre-Pharmacy, he's close with Bokuto too," Yaku leans over to pull a clean towel from a stack on the floor, "yeah, I think, emphasis on think, he doubles as a plug."

"I doubt how much you think you can do with how sincerely you sang the words to those sea-shanties a few hours ago."

"As long as I can take the Celtic Lit quiz in a few days I'm golden."

"Back to my issues for a moment, am I fucked? or just fucked?"

"I'm going with fucked."

"Fuck."

❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈

"Thanks again." Hinata stifles out while trying to move Lev's arm from hanging in the puke bucket.

"I'm still confused about how you got him to the fourth floor in the first place."

"Yamaguchi," Hinata pulls Lev's hand from swinging down to just positioned straight through the open window, "Do not underestimate how easy it is to motivate this large child."

Yamaguchi nods, continuing to clean up the puke on the couch corner, "How much did he even drink?"

"I lost count after 9."

"9 p.m. or 9 drinks?"

"Either one," Hinata shrugs sitting down on the floor with Yamaguchi, "I was busy dancing until the party moved to Bokuto-san and Ushijima-san's place. I chugged three entire Four Lokos on a dare from Tendo. I jumped off the balcony into the apartment pool with Inu. Might have done body shots with Atsumu-kun. Then joined the eighth round of beer pong after that it's a bit blank until I raced Lev back here and that was two hours ago."

Yamaguchi leans forward with a face halfway between utter surprise and genuine confusion "Ushijima let a party in?"

"He was drunk."

"Oh."

"At least I think he was," bottom lip over top lip Hinata musters up the thought of Ushijima loudly debating Sakusa about something, "He was very loud."

"I can't imagine Ushijima drunk," Yamaguchi shakes his head, having finished cleaning up the couch, "Although I've not seen too many people drunk."

"Fair."

"Is Lev gonna be okay?"

Hinata shrugs and says "He only has one rehearsal today."

"It's strange they still had the party on a school night."

"They're upperclassmen, they do as they please."

Just then Lev wakes up with a bit of a coughing fit, Hinata stands up with the bucket but all that Lev does is say "If you want to be a party animal you have to learn to live in the jungle."

❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈

The voice rings out sweetly from the bathroom "Did it rain last night?"

Daichi sits up in bed and turns to look out the dorm room window, "Looks like it"

"Did you see my nice pants?" Sugawara hums walking back into the bedroom, still only wearing a shirt, "I have to tutor at 6:30."

Daichi turns back to his boyfriend, smiling, and just watches him sort through the clothes lazily flung here and there. Sugawara doesn't seem too bothered by taking too long either because it’s only five in the morning or because of its Sugawara. He is a holy being and if he's bothered by something most people are. 

"Do you ever get hungover?" Daichi props his head upon his hand, "You drank just as much and my head is still spinning."

Sugawara meets Daichi's steady gaze, "Sure it’s not swimming for other reasons?"

Daichi picks up the pillow by his side and throws it, Sugawara casually catches it and throws it back. 

"No, but seriously you outdrank me," Daichi leans forward, "Doesn't your head hurt at all."

"I outdrank Oikawa," Sugawara bends down to sift through the clothes by the bed, "And no, all I needed was a nap."

Daichi crawls over to the end of the bed and gives Sugawara a kiss "God incarnate."

"Thank you," Suga gives a smirk and turns his head back to the bathroom door, "Oh looky here."

Sugawara walks over to the other end of the room and picks up a pair of pants, "These will do."

Daichi sits there just smiling, "You're the reason this room is a mess."

"No," Sugawara gives a silvery almost musical laugh, "The bed is both of our faults don't blame me, and you are just as much or even more responsible for the clothes."

"Who schedules a Monday 6:30 tutor?"

"Kageyama."

"Oh...."

'Make sense now?" Sugawara walks back over to Daichi and sits on the edge of the bed.

"It is still early in the semester, like very early"

"Yeah," Sugawara gives a faint chuckle, "At least he's prepared."

“Speaking of prepared,” Daichi scoots closer, “Did you hear Kuroo before we left?”

“About the bet on Bokuto?”

“The other thing.”

“Kiyoko and Yukie making out on that dare?”

Daichi laughs, “The other-other thing.”

“Atsumu being in love with Hinata?”

“Again.”

“Sakusa being in love with Atsumu.”

“No th-” Daichi shakes his head but stops abruptly with a chuckle “Wait what?”

“It’s pretty clear,” Sugawara down-home irresistibly continues guessing, “Uh Ushiwaka being drunk?”

“You’re very bad at guessing.”

“It was a long night.”

Daichi shifts to kinda lean on Sugawara’s shoulder, “We left before they moved the party.”

“Yeah, because someone got distracted,” Sugawara turned to kiss the top of Daichi’s head, “And I’d like to keep my library job.”

“Okay fair, but Kuroo said someone saw Oikawa with somebody in the bathroom.”

“As long as it’s not a freshman I couldn’t care.”

“Eeeeh,” Daichi sits up turning his body so Sugawara can see his smug face, “Not true.”

“OKAY OKAY, him making out with me AND THEN MAKING OUT WITH BOKUTO was very rude, and I was, am, and will continue being completely entitled to that reaction.”

“You decked him.”

“I’ll do it again.”

“I know you would,” Daichi kisses Sugawara, “I know you would.”

❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈

Atsumu sorted through the small apartment kitchen for whatever food he's mustered to steal from his brother this week. Grabbing at least a feast worth to dump on the counter he hears giggling from his roommate's room. If this man has another random goth girl or whatever Atsumu will probably... well he probably just goes on a run it’s not worth it to get in an argument at 5:30 in the morning even for him.

It’s clear all he has left is five rice balls, three sushi containers, week old udon, leftover yakitori, some soba from Saturday, a lot of curry rice, and some wagashi behind the two gallons of (different kinds of) milk. So with nothing clear to eat, Atsumu (a drunk 20-year-old with a terrible attitude) makes the choice to go on a run.

Atsumu walks over to the door and puts his running shoes on, and just leaves. Listen it’s Monday morning after a rather long night and to say Atsumu even slept would be a lie but so would saying he didn't have a plan. His plan in its entirety as of the moment is the following:

1\. Take a 15 minute run from his apartment to the cutesy cafe/bakery/restaurant thing right by campus, now with luck either the short shy girl opened early or Akaashi who is always on time will open it out of pity.

2\. He will order a donut and an Espresso Romano because he's a pain in the ass and doesn't care.

3\. He will wait for Hinata to arrive at the same time (7:45) he does every Monday to order egg on rice, and iced frappuccino and then he'll run to the bathroom. 

4\. Magically admits to himself and the world he's obsessed with Hinata.

5\. Die of complications from being stabbed violently by Akaashi.

6\. Haunt Sakusa.

7\. Kill god.

It’s a foolproof plan if Atsumu wasn't the fool and if any of it made a lick of fucking sense. Other than those two problems, foolproof.

Atsumu exits his apartment just to spot Osamu on his own apartment balcony across the courtyard. Osamu also spots him but the only real acknowledgment he gets is one middle finger and a (far away) "Fuck you."

Looks like the cafe/bakery/restaurant thing is Atsumu’s only hope. 

Fuck you too universe, fuck you too. 

Looks like taking up smoking as a hobby might benefit Osamu.

Osamu was tired. 

This statement was typically true despite anything, it did not matter if I had just woken up from a nap or on day 4 of an allnighter.

It didn't help that the apartment above his was occupied by Satori Tendo and Yuji Terushima. Being in the same courses with Tendo wasn't enough karmic punishment, his job at the club down the street was shared by Terushima. 

The only saving grace of this predicament was his roommate Keiji Akaashi but even that came with the downside of commonly finding Koutaro Bokuto camping in his kitchen. Although the bonus this gave was a test subject that wasn't his awful twin brother. Bokuto rarely complains about being supplied with food and Akaashi rarely eating anything outside of the homemade meals. 

Akaashi also made constant insomnia easier as he too was up at unholy hours most of the week. Akaashi also has a small habit of talking to himself at those unholy hours so nothing good comes at a cost.

All those things have to lead to this habit of sneaking out to the balcony to watch his terrible brother beat Akaashi to the cafe. Osamu takes a deep breath, he’s bored and tired and hungry and wet and worried and sleepy and cold and just exhausted. So conservatively you could say Osamu is not having the best Monday morning and he doesn’t even have a shift today.

After flipping off his brother, Osamu walks back inside before it starts raining again. The balcony screen door makes a shrill squeak as Osamu attempts to open it slowly.

“That didn’t work.”

“Oh,” Akaashi’s voice comes from the bathroom, “Is it raining?”

Akaashi is terrifying, does he know Osamu only came inside to avoid the rain, does he know Osamu goes out there to deal with headaches and to watch his brother make bad choices? What magic does he use? 

“Kinda,” Osamu walks from the door to the kitchen, “It’s uh wet.”

“It rained for a while,” Akaashi walks out into the living room in his work uniform, “Bokuto-san was simultaneously happy and upset about that.”

“Sounds about right.”

Akaashi sorts through the jackets on the couch “Is Atsumu walking to the cafe?”

“I hate it when you do that.”

“So he is, hope there are old donuts I can get Kuroo to throw at him.”

Osamu sits down on one of the stools by the counter and just blinks at Akaashi, there is not a reasonable response to this creature.

“What,” Akaashi gives this guttural pleasant but teasing smile it’s hard for Osamu to define because he’s busy loathing existing, “Everyone has a pattern and your ‘lovely’ brother throws mine off just slightly, I'm also within reason slightly hungover.”

“Lovely is the wrong word.”

“Pesky is too strong and vexatious is redundant.”

Osamu somewhat grimly says “Asshole will do.”

“I find that every time I insult him he returns for more, he is like a moth looking for the zapper he has already skipped the moon.”

“He’s a masochist, don't sugarcoat.”

❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈

Now the white cat that wandered into Sakusa and Kenma's dorm was never invited. Let's make this clear, neither Sakusa nor Kenma intended to have a cat: not one accused of being a ghost nor the rest of the cats that find themselves on the seventh floor of student dorm Block A. Kenma has found that if he sets up a stream at 7 in the afternoon with one cat (let's say the creamy spotted one named Kozzo) by the time the stream ends at 2 in the morning there are at least ten more cats in the dorm. Who do you contact about this issue, nobody takes it seriously, they think its cute he has an entourage to Music Production Three. 

The advantages of living in the Feline Mecca are plenty, the more cats on stream the more subs. Also, Semi will let Kenma sample voices and guitar riffs as long as Sakusa doesn't complain to Iwaizumi. The disadvantage of the cats is that a solid white long-haired cat will haunt Kenma and Sakusa until they die. 

The ghost cat is typically referred to as 'That Awful Thing' and occasionally as ‘Lev the Human’ as it too is obscenely large for its species and is white. It sheds like crazy, chews on anything, it will attack anything that moves or doesn't move, pukes far too often for something never seen partaking in its intended food, is covered in fucking fleas, and has the nerve to always knock shit off counters.

Yaku is the only one who can physically give a bath, but he refuses to because Kenma refuses to sign the paperwork to officialize it as his pet. As no one will claim the wretched beast it wanders the campus looking for someone to charm with its mystical whiskers and low meow. Unlike Kenma, Sakusa has so much regret in letting evil exist without punishment on slow days he prints warning signs that the horrid beast is in your midst. If people do or don’t listen to the warning is all on them, the thing to understand is that neither Sakusa nor Kenma can claim him if spotted. Rules state the specter must travel his own path lest a curse beset among the offender for... like a week maybe two, five max. It will puke in your shoes and shit on your carpet, you might never even see it. It's an enigma and much as it's a force.

So Sakusa dreads opening the dorm room door, surprisingly spared from the terrible feline. Also, there's no sign of Kenma, but it doesn't take long for the sound of the PlayStation 4 playing Until Dawn reaches the empty living room. Kenma must have gotten up early because Sakusa doesn't remember seeing up too long at Bokuto's party. Sakusa should not have stayed as long as he did, he shouldn't have drank and he should not have listened to Ushijima. 

Finally walking all the way into the dorm he looks around for any of the cats, two seem perched on the couch by the balcony another few scattered around the living room and kitchen. The hallway past the kitchen seems clear, Kenma's door is open and the flashing light of the PlayStation 4 and the occasional 'fuck' or 'gotchya' from inside. Sakusa walks into the kitchen rummaging around for something to eat. 

"Bam," Kenma says, "And that's the end of Until Dawn, probably could have been quicker but I'm still a bit drunk. Speaking of drunk, my roommate just got back so I'll return after the credits I bid you a small farewell."

Sakusa looks up to see Kenma walking out carrying Kozzo, he waves in response.

"You stayed later than I thought you would."

"Akaashi convinced me to stay after the party moved."

Kenma sets Kozzo on the counter much to Sakusa's disdain, "Got kicked out of Noc Noc?"

"Osamu-san let us off the hook," Sakusa sighs, "And Bokuto let his party spill home."

"And you really went?"

"Little drunk," Sakusa pinches his fingers together to demonstrate little, "And Bokuto makes a mean Jäger."

"I've heard," Kenma opens the fridge, "Also heard about the ecstasy."

"That too."

"It's college" Kenma grabs a takeout container and hands it to Sakusa, "I'll still judge though."

"In my defense," Sakusa grabs a fork from the silverware drawer, "I don't remember taking any."

"Don't need to be with Daishou and Terushima there. I'm surprised you're not..." Kenma pauses to look Sakusa up and down, "Uh, dead?"

"I'm gonna go lie down."

Kenma grabs himself another takeout container "I'll tell the stream I tucked you in."

"Please don't"

"5:37," Kenma walks back into his room, "he came home at 5:37 guys"

Sakusa groans, if he wasn't hungover he'd be settled with a nasty migraine.

❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈

If the blistering migraine was anything to go by this day was gonna be a doozy, Tsukishima starts a mental list of the ways the universe is wronging him today.

1\. Kindaichi left his computer programming notes littered over the shared living room. Everywhere he looks is a textbook turned over with about forty-five loose sheets of graph paper. Also, there are about thirteen crumpled up drawings of some devil looking thing that has a striking resemblance to Kageyama and that body-horror scene in Akira.

2\. Yamaguchi left the blinds wide open, and the balcony door cracked just a smidge, so it's hella fucking cold. And he's being greeted by the distinct smell of a rainy fall morning which means the rest of the list is invalidated but also he couldn't give a shit because there are undoubtedly bugs that should not be in a two-bedroom freshman's dorm room at 5:47 am on a Monday.

3\. It's 5:47 am on a Monday.

4\. The floor above him, the seven-floor for those wondering, is occupied by two questionably chaotic party kings, which means there is no warning when an impromptu (typically) Fall Out Boy centric cover show will erupt.

5\. Yamaguchi left.

6\. Either Kageyama and Goshiki recently burnt a whole fuck ton of bacon or Kageyama actually snapped and murdered the poor boy in cold blood and is now (foolishly) disposing of the body by attempting to catch the dormitory building on fire.

7\. Not currently being on fire.

8\. Hinata stole his last large hoodie and now the only ones he has left are the ones that just fit like normal sweaters and shit. Do you know how hard it is to find a decently large hoodie when you are 6'6"? It's fucking difficult, rarely do they go below the hips, and have sleeves that even reach the wrist not to mention the strange bagginess of the sleeves because you have to keep them rolled to the elbow, or else they just slip down anyways. To say the least it's a struggle.

9\. Hinata.

10\. Kageyama.

11\. Irony.

12\. Yamaguchi left.

List on pause, Tsukkishima is hungry, which means the world is falling apart. He digs around the kitchen cabinet for bad (stale) instant coffee. Kindaichi has a lot of fine teas, some from Kunimi's Mom's care package, most borrowed (stolen) from Kindachi's job at a local slightly bougie grocery store. There are also several containers of cookies, all types, and most still fresh, so that means either Yamaguchi and Yachi's anxious manic episodes collided while he most certainly was not paying attention, or Yamaguchi is suddenly building up to the 'holy shit Kei you're 18.” If a smile graces Tsukkishima's lips neither he nor the many (probable) bugs hiding in the cold living room will admit it.

❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈❈

It was early morning when the shity dorm room door was opened, the door itself not-so-mysteriously already unlocked. With the shades of the balcony closed and none of the lights on, it seemed deliberately dark and silent. 

Kuroo quietly shuts the door and creeps in further to the shared living room. A few steps into the dorm put his room and the kitchen left, his roommate's room and the bathroom right, and the living room and balcony right in front of him. He looks around the open room, quickly realizing 'Yeah it’s too dark to fuckin' see shit for shit I'm not gonna put up with this' and he flips the kitchen lights on. He hears a low moan from the couch by the bathroom, he just chuckles in response. 

"Wake up sleeping beauty!"

"Don't whisper so loud," Oikawa thrashes his arms around where he vaguely thinks Kuroo is standing, "I just woke up from the false hangover nap and if my karma is anything to go by I won't sleep for 569 days."

"I'm gonna make tea," Kuroo laughs as he takes off his jacket and throws in on the tiny island counter. 

"Don't want tea," Oikawa moans.

"Don't care," the water faucet turns on and all Oikawa hears is the loud clanging of what is undoubtedly Kuroo purposely throwing pots and shit around looking for the kettle.

"Too loud."

Kuroo loudly fills the kettle and all but slams it on the stove, "Sorry what was that?"

"I hate you."

"Love ya too!"

Oikawa starts tugging at a hoodie that is not his, "Rushed and forgot my glasses again."

Kuroo doesn't look away from the kettle and yet softly states, “You’re far too harsh on yourself for someone so apparently narcissistic."

"Who said I am narcissistic?"

"I mean ... I just did."

"All of your ideas are others," it sounds a little overly critical of the only other waking person this hour. "You must have heard that before."

Kuroo laughs at this, "I mean you’re not that bad."

"You’re a terrible judge of character."

"Generally I'd agree with that statement," Kuroo purrs, "I'm friends with Yaku AND Bokuto but then I'm also friends with Daichi and Ushijima."

“I forgot to ask,” Oikawa sits up a bit, “Was Ushiwaka drunk?”

“Quite possibly,” Kuroo smirks, “I wasn’t sure about anything beyond Yaku desperately trying to beat Lev at beer bong.”

"Can you think of any better way to choke?"

“Plenty, you should know them.”

Oikawa makes a strange sound to that, “It was a slight on my honor, so he deserved it."

Kuroo snickers “He was drunk.”

“He was high.” Oikawa corrects.

Kuroo turns back to the counter grabbing two cups, “Not his fault.”

“Says the person with Molly.”

Kuroo shakes his head “It was for Bokuto.”

“I’m sure.”

"You're short-sighted, naive, and starry-eyed"

“Asshole.”

“It’s honest.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way,” Oikawa pauses for emphasis, “But please die.”

Kuroo shoots him a confused look “There’s a good way to take that?”

“No,” Oikawa grins, “I wanted you to know that I meant every word of it.”

The kettle whines loud and sharp, Kuroo takes it off heat, “Oh stop whining, you’ll be fine.”

Oikawa takes this as another part of the conversation “And if I’m not?” 

“You can go to the afterlife,” Kuroo pours two cups of tea and turns back to Oikawa, “With the satisfaction of proving me wrong.”

“I really wanna just sleep.’

“Weren’t you sleeping before I got in?”

“Nope just nursing a migraine.”

Kuroo walks from the kitchen to the far wall where Oikawa lays sprawled out. 'You’re looking desperate lately."

"I'm not."

"I don't wanna hear it you fucked Iwa-chan again," Kuroo hits Oikawa's feet off the coffee table placing a cup of hot tea on the coaster, "And if you choose to not talk about it soon I'm gonna regret it."

Oikawa runs his hands up his face to rub his eyes, "You're gonna regret it?"

"Yeah," Kuroo sighs, "I'm a good person and you need to talk."

"I absolutely do not wanna talk about it," Oikawa sits up to grab the hot tea from the table, "And it's arguable that you are a good person."

Kuroo mocks offense "Wound me," clutching his chest he shifts to look Oikawa in the eyes, "but we're gonna talk about it."

"You wanna talk about you and pudding head?"

"Keep Kenma outta it, because in case you're unaware I haven't fucked him in the club bathroom during my friend's birthday party."

"Try it, never know," Oikawa blows on his tea, "He might like it."

"He barely likes going to parties."

Oikawa takes a sip of tea (some might say an obnoxiously long one) and looks at Kuroo, "You might like it."

"Nope," Kuroo shakes his head, "Last time I even had the nerve to think about kissing him. He was too busy replaying Silent Hill 2 and didn't even notice."

"Embarrassed?"

"Hella."

"Same."

"If you like him so much why all these lil games?"

"Could ask you the same."

"Could," Kuroo nods, "But I'm not hooking up with my best friend every time he gets wasted and then pretending it didn't happen."

Oikawa shakes his head placing the tea on the coffee table "Not pretending."

"Oho," Kuroo quirks an eyebrow, "What would you call it."

"Risk management."

"This isn't having safety measures in case someone slips on something, this is a military defense plan."

Oikawa stands up, probably too soon, "That's why we're always ending up with a 265% margin of error in Chem Lab!"

"Don't blame my metaphors for your inability to do titrations correctly!!" 

Oikawa sticks his tongue out and turns to the bathroom, "I'm gonna go vomit." Oikawa just hums while walking away and Kuroo shakes his head.

"My tea isn't that terrible," Kuroo yaps back at Oikawa but he hears a 'thbbbt' raspberry sound. 

Tooru Oikawa is a lot of things, a twink is surprisingly not one of those things, even for a Biophysics major he is lean and sculpted. Kuroo once noted that only Bokuto and Ushiwaka possessed naturally more beefy pictorials. 

Tooru Oikawa is a lot of things, a genius might be one of these things, it's all about perspective. If good grades and healthy social life are anything to go by he is a wizard by the means of standard college students.

Tooru Oikawa is a lot of things, an asshole is absolutely one of these things, even if he can mesh perfectly with anyone he is with. Somehow he never complains about his real problems yet it seems like he is always ranting.

Kuroo wouldn't even need to keep a checklist of stupid Oikawa contradictions because first Yaku gave him Iwaizumi's 17-year long list of issues three years ago. Secondly, most of Oikawa's contradictions contradict each other, much like Kenma and Akaashi, these pretty boys evade Kuroo's provocation. 

So with all this being said, he has expected to not expect a good majority of Oikawa's facade-filled breakdowns. 

So Kuroo assumed to either hear said promised vomiting or at least the bathroom closing, so he sets his teacup on one of the coasters. Before getting up after he puts Oikawa's tea on another coaster and goes to check on him.

Kuroo finds Oikawa just standing Blair Witch style in the middle of the bathroom. 

The sight in front of him was that of Oikawa facing away from him, looking at the tub. The sink by the door is still clean, and Oikawa seemed to have not made a mess before Kuroo got home. Kuroo waits a few moments before tentatively stepping into the room to grab a bottle of ibuprofen from the sink counter.

As soft as possible Kuroo gives a simple “Okay there buddy?” 

Oikawa points at the shower drain, Kuroo straining his head to see a large tuft of hair in the drain, white hair.

“Oh no.”

“Oh no indeed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, this is an excuse to write dialogue studies, I've been working on these on and off with a few friends for about a year. I'm gonna try and update the series every now and then because this is the longest non-D&D thing I've written in about 3 years. 
> 
> XOXOXO 
> 
> Also don't mix alcohol with ecstasy, for the love of everything holy, don't drink Red Bulls that don't belong to you. Lock your windows every night, or else you will be haunted by a spectator of death.


End file.
